


Put on a Happy Face

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bondage, Clown kink, F/F, Face Paint, Vaginal Fingering, coulrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:35:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27215782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Sonya had gone through a brief period of being terrified of clowns (she'd caught their parents watching some movie with an evil clown, seen something traumatizing, and then screamed the house down), and in an effort to stem the tide ( in an act of true sisterly sadism), there had been... a lot of clowns. A whole lot.And okay, maybe it had been at some particularly developmentally crucial time for Yaz, or maybe her brain had just latched on to the delight in tormenting Sonya in a parent approved way (sort of), but... well.Well.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 14
Kudos: 15





	Put on a Happy Face

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clowncartardis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clowncartardis/gifts).



> I must say, this is a new one for me. Thank you, Mia, for the suggestion!

"I can't believe there's a whole planet of clown people," Yaz said, as the Doctor dashed across the TARDIS, pulling this lever or pushing that button. Her shoes squeaked with every step. 

"It's not _just_ clown people, as you saw," the Doctor protested. The TARDIS was groaning, and there was the familiar shaking. "As you saw! You helped brook the peace! You'll be a folk hero!"

"The clown people and the elephant people," Yaz said, and she smiled in spite of herself. "Got ourselves a regular circus here, eh?"

"Circuses don't have elephants anymore at your point in time," the Doctor protested. She was still wearing the rainbow yarn pigtail wig, and she scratched absently under it. "For a proper Barnum circus we'd need more animals first."

"How did it end up… like this?" Yaz made a vague hand gesture at the whole of the Doctor’s get up. She’d traded her usual coat for one much more patchwork and shorter, still in her braces and baggy trousers. 

The Doctor shrugged. "There's more things dreamt of in Heaven and Earth than in your philosophy," she said, and then she paused. She looked like she was wrinkling her nose, but it was hard to tell, between the makeup and the false red nose she'd stuck on over the real one. Although how it stuck on was a question for another day.

"That's Shakespeare, right?" Yaz leaned against the console. 

"I met him once," the Doctor said, and she grinned. The smile painted on her face seemed to make it even bigger, and Yaz smiled back. 

She'd always liked clowns. Sonya had gone through a brief period of being terrified of them (she'd caught their parents watching some movie with an evil clown, seen something traumatizing, and then screamed the house down), and in an effort to stem the tide ( _and_ in an act of true sisterly sadism), there had been... a lot of clowns. A whole lot.

And okay, maybe it had been at some particularly developmentally crucial time for Yaz, or maybe her brain had just latched on to the delight in tormenting Sonya in a parent approved way (sort of), but... well. 

Well. 

"Yaz?" The Doctor spoke, and that broke Yaz out of whatever daze she'd been drifting into. 

"Sorry, what was that?" Yaz blinked, and let her eyes roam across the Doctor's face. There was the big red nose, the painted on smile, the big bright white around her eyes, the apple cheeks. It had apparently had a lot of special meaning to the people of that planet, although it just looked like the sort of thing you'd see on some birthday party entertainer, as far as Yaz was concerned. 

"I said I'm gonna have to go wash all this off," the Doctor said. "It doesn't half itch."

"Keep it on a little longer," Yaz said impulsively. 

The Doctor paused. "Eh?" 

Yaz's whole face was heating up. "Keep it on," she said. "It... I like it." 

"What?" The Doctor's face scrunched up, and the grease paint was creasing up. 

"You look... I think you look cute," Yaz said, aware of how silly she sounded. "And funny. I like it. That's all, there's nothin' weird about it. Perfectly normal." 

"Yasmin Khan," said the Doctor, and now she was moving in closer, until her red nose bumped against Yaz's. It squeaked. "Are you a coulrophile?" 

"... what?" Yaz frowned. 

"Coulrophile," the Doctor repeated. "Someone with a clown fetish." Her eyes looked very bright, surrounded by all that white paint. 

"I don't... I don't think I have a fetish," Yaz said. 

"Kink then," said the Doctor, and she grinned again, reached into her pocket to take out... was that a rubber chicken? How had it even _fit_? Were her pockets bigger on the inside, too? "I could spank you with it, if you'd like? You said you like spanking."

"How would that even _work_?" Yaz looked at the rubber chicken, then back at the Doctor. 

"Seems fairly straight forward," the Doctor said. "Hold your arm out, let's test it."

"Oh my god, you are _not_ treating this like when you were buying that new flogger," Yaz said, although she was biting her lip. She held her arm up, and she let the Doctor slowly roll up the sleeve of her jumper. 

"Same idea," the Doctor protested. She drew her arm back, and then the rubber chicken was hitting Yaz in the arm.

Thankfully, it didn't squeak. The pain of it was a shock, but easier than some of the Doctor's meaner floggers, or any of the canes.

"Hmm..." The Doctor's expression went thoughtful. "I'm gonna have to modify this a bit, to get it to work properly as an _actual_ impact toy," she said, chucking the rubber chicken to the side. It did squeak, when it hit the TARDIS floor and bounced.

"What d'you mean, modify it? Wait, impact toy?" Yaz's eyes were going wide. _What is she planning, exactly?_

"I've got other things, don't worry," the Doctor said, and then she stood back, making dramatic hand motions. She put on another big, doofy smile, and put her thumbs into her braces, drawing them back, then snapping them. It made her breasts jiggle, and she gave a loud, comical yelp. 

"Oh my god, Doctor," Yaz said, and she was already beginning to giggle. 

"Didn't mean to do that," the Doctor said, and she made a face. Then she... squeaked the nose, and did an awkward little soft shoe shuffle in her overly big shoes. "Nothin' in my pockets," she sang.

"That's a total lie," said Yaz without rancor. 

The Doctor made a big show of holding one pocket out, and she plunged her hand into it, rummaging around. Was Yaz imagining things, or were there clinks and clanks coming from inside?

She was reminded of the old Marx Brothers movie her nani had liked to watch, where there had been so much _stuff_ pulled out of the one guy's pockets, including a barber pole and a mailbox, and why was that something that was going through her head _now_? 

"Aha," said the Doctor, and she pulled a red handkerchief out of her pocket, letting it dangle. She went digging through her other pocket, then glanced over at Yaz. "Can you grab that, please?"

Yaz grabbed the handkerchief and pulled. And pulled. Another handkerchief was attached to the first one, and she rolled her eyes, kept pulling. She glanced down, then glanced back up and saw that the Doctor was grinning at her again.

"Tricked ya!" The Doctor sounded _so_ pleased with herself.

"That's the oldest one in the book," Yaz said. "Y'gonna ask me to sniff the flower on your buttonhole next?"

"I don't have a flower in my buttonhole," the Doctor said. "I'll have to look into that." 

Yaz was still pulling handkerchiefs, although by now there were so many of them that they were dangling on the floor. When she got to the last one, she held it up triumphantly. "Are you happy?"

"I'm usually happy," the Doctor said. "How about you show me your happy face, hm?" 

Yaz gave her a Look. 

"Too much?" The Doctor wrinkled her nose, making the squeaky red nose shift.

"Lil' bit," Yaz said.

"Guess I'll have to make it up to you," the Doctor said. She grabbed the handkerchiefs. "I've got another trick for ya, but you gotta close your eyes, take a step forward, and put your hands behind your back."

"Are you a clown or a magician?" Yaz asked, but she did as instructed, her eyes shut and her wrists pressed together. 

"Neither, I'm the Doctor," the Doctor said cheerfully. She was behind Yaz now, and Yaz could very faintly smell the greasepaint. "Although I've been a clown. I've even got the egg."

"Got the... egg," Yaz repeated. Her eyes were still closed, and she could feel the Doctor doing... something with her wrists.

"What kind of coulrophile are you, if you don't even know the history?" There was something silky wrapping around Yaz's wrists, just tight enough that Yaz couldn't wriggle free. 

"I'm not a... that," Yaz said. "Can I open my eyes yet?" 

"Just a tick," the Doctor said distractedly, then; "okay, open your eyes!"

Yaz opened her eyes, and experimentally tugged at the handkerchiefs tying her hands together. "Well," she said, "you do know I could feel you doing that, right?" 

"Yes, I know you could feel it," the Doctor said, coming around to Yaz's front. She palmed one breast, gave it a squeeze, and squeaked her red nose at the same time. 

"I cannot believe you just did that," Yaz said, but she was trying very hard not to giggle. 

"... I'm tryin' to make a pun out of, like, "boob" and "believe," but I feel like if I did that you'd walk right out of here," the Doctor said. She grabbed the hem of Yaz's shirt, pushing it up, and then she gave a big, theatrical whistle. "Wouldn't be able to make balloon animals outta them, would I?" 

"Oh my _fuck_ ," Yaz said, but she was laughing now, as the Doctor pushed her bra under her breasts and grabbed them. "Doctor, I cannot _believe_ you!" 

"You can," the Doctor said, and she gave Yaz's breasts a jiggle. "I mean," she added, "I've heard 'em called fun bags." Another jiggle, and then she pinched Yaz's nipples, pulling in just the right way to make Yaz moan. 

"Doctor," Yaz gasped, and she wasn't sure if she was turned on or exasperated. 

"Ooh, I could've done a proper Groucho Marx impression just then," the Doctor said. "See, that's my problem. I always think of the joke right after I've said the less funny joke." She gave Yaz's breasts another jiggle. "Like, what if I'd said 'I've heard of fun bags but this is ridiculous,' or somethin' similar?" 

Yaz was still giggling. She kept catching sight of the Doctor's face, all knit up with concentration under her clown makeup, and a fresh wave would start up. 

The Doctor made another ridiculous honking sound, grabbing both breasts at once and squeezing hard enough to leave Yaz breathless, or was she _already_ breathless, because she was laughing harder now, her belly was jiggling and so were her breasts, and the Doctor was grinning back at her. 

"Y'know I can feel when you laugh?" The Doctor waggled her eyebrows comically, and Yaz was so far gone that she was laughing again. Perpetual motion machine of laughter, and she'd be embarrassed if she could just _stop laughing_. 

"When I were a man," the Doctor continued, and her hands had gone to the button of Yaz's trousers, "I used to like makin' people laugh, when we were, y'know." She cleared her throat, and there was something adorably endearing about the fact that the Doctor got all embarrassed about talking about having sex, even as she was pushing Yaz's trousers down and pressing down on Yaz's clit through her knickers. 

"When you were fucking," Yaz supplied, because she liked the way the Doctor's ears turned red. 

"Yeah," the Doctor said, and her voice had gone husky. She looked up at Yaz through her eyelashes, and she was still grinning. All the makeup seemed to make her face that much _more_ , and what the fuck was wrong with Yaz, that it was turning her on. 

Yaz threw her head back and gasped, as the tip of the Doctor's finger circled over her clit through her knickers. 

"Gonna need to put on my Wellies, as slippery as this is," the Doctor said, stroking the front of Yaz's knickers, along the seam of her labia.

Yaz snorted. "That one weren't so good," she told the Doctor.

"It's a new routine," the Doctor said, defensive. Then she grinned. "Least I didn't say anythin' about a wet floor sign, right?"

Yaz sighed heavily. "That weren't even funny," she told the Doctor.

"It's a new routine," the Doctor said defensively, as her hand slipped into the leg hole of Yaz's knickers, fingers swirling over Yaz's sticky pubic hair. "Needs a little bit of workshopping." She sighed, as her two fingers slid between Yaz's labia, then inside of her. 

"Right," Yaz said. 

"I got some good jokes, though," the Doctor said, as her thumb pressed down on Yaz's clit. "What happens when a snail double parks?"

"Doctor," Yaz said, although she was starting to giggle already, "are you really...?"

"Escartowed!" The Doctor said, and she was giggling at her own joke.

"I cannot believe you," Yaz said, but she was laughing, and she could feel herself start to clench even as she laughed, squeezing the Doctor's fingers inside of her. The Doctor's thumb was a good, solid pressure, and she rocked her hips forward and into it. 

"What'd the blanket say when it fell off of the bed?" The Doctor curled her fingers, and Yaz's giggling was caught between a laugh and a moan. 

"I don't... know," Yaz gasped. 

"Oh sheet," said the Doctor, and Yaz gasped, her laughter getting slightly more hysterical. There was a pause, and the only sound was the wet _squelch_ of her fingers sliding in and out of Yaz's cunt. "I think that works better with an American accent," she said. 

"Yeah, I think so... too," Yaz said. _Why are we talking about this now, of all times?_

The Doctor circled her thumb over Yaz's clit, and she began to thrust, curling her fingers, her knuckles bulging and stretching Yaz's cunt out, just the right way. Her whole body was pulsing in time with her heart, and she was _still giggling._. "What d'you call a smug criminal coming down the stairs?"

"Where are you even _getting_ these?" Yaz mumbled, as she ground forward. The Doctor's fingers were buried all the way to the last knuckle, and her palm was pressing against Yaz's perineum. 

"A condescending con descending!" The Doctor wriggled her fingers, tapping on Yaz's g-spot was if she was drumming on a table.

Yaz's laughter was getting more high pitched and squeaky, and she was teetering on the edge of her orgasm, and no _way_ was she going 

"What's the difference between a disgusting bus terminal and a lobster with a boob job?" The Doctor pinched Yaz's nipple and pressed down on her clit at the same time, and Yaz curled forward, her mouth falling open. 

"W-w-what?" She shuddered, and she was looking into the Doctor's dancing hazel eyes. The other woman was clearly _delighted_ with herself, which never boded well. 

"Ones a crusty bus station," the Doctor said, and she was already starting to giggle, "and one's a busty crustacean!" 

Yaz was laughing again, her cunt fluttering around the Doctor's fingers, and then that seemed to set off a cascade, and she was _coming_ , which was the indignity to end all indignities, but she was still laughing, and the Doctor just looked so delighted with it all that Yaz couldn't help but smile back. 

"Can't say that joke was too bad, can ya?" The Doctor grinned. "I can always remember that joke were the one what made you come."

"Doctor," Yaz groaned, and she leaned against the Doctor's shoulder. She was still pulsing around the Doctor's fingers, and her chest was heaving. "Fuck," she said thickly. 

The Doctor grinned, and she squeaked her nose again. She looked Yaz up and down, and then she made an annoyed face. "I can't make the joke I were gonna make," she complained.

"What joke were you gonna make?" Yaz hissed, as the Doctor's fingers slid out of her with a wet sound. 

"Somethin' about knockin' your socks off," the Doctor said, as she licked the slick off of her fingers. "But I forgot to take your socks off."

"Oh my god, Doctor," Yaz groaned, but she was still giggling in spite of herself.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear, we don't just talk about clown fucking. Come check out our 21+ Thirteenth Doctor era Discord server! https://discord.gg/uxdwq7
> 
> And this is the Marx Brothers scene Yaz references. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVGe1vqTGTo&ab_channel=TheParamountVault


End file.
